Posted by Lara Stewart-Panko on July 22, 2011
My feathers have gotten ruffled a bit more than usual over the past few days. I suppose it’s a friendly, “holy anger” reminder about why I do what I do. 
The Lingerie Football League (LFL) is coming to Hamilton soon. It’ll be a game of football in which the female athletes play wearing bikinis, garters and protective padding. Sounds cool and might have even gotten little ol’ me into the stands. So where’s my beef? Even though the ticket prices range from $20-$80, THE ATHLETES ARE NOT PAID. The women’s accommodation and travel expense are covered, but that’s it. In addition, games are broadcast through a variety of methods, including pay-per-view, and there’s plenty of LFL merchandise available. So who is profitting? More importantly, why are the athletes playing without pay??? Ladies, I applaud those of you who are doing what you want to do in terms of how you spend your time, and also admire those who are integrating their femininity, sexuality and athletic abilities. But you deserve to get paid!!! There could be no LFL without you…
The second thing that’s had me frustrated with our cultural baggage is a couple of women I’ve been relating with personally & professionally who are feeling disconnected from their innate ability to relax and be at peace. How can that be? As the Abraham-Hicks material relates: “Who you are and what you know when you are born is everything that you need to know to thrive. You are born with a sense of self and a sense of wanting self to feel good, and the mechanisms to bring it about.” Oppression cannot exist unless people are alienated from this inborn power.
Please join me in reclaiming what is rightfully ours: our personal peace and empowerment. How can you make a healthier, more self-respecting choice today? How can you live the life you were born to live, and therefore help others (especially your children) do the same?
Affirm: I am the change I wish to see. I live with peace, power and integrity.
Posted by Lara Stewart-Panko on May 15, 2011
This past Mother’s Day my hubby was out of town, my mother & mother-in-law weren’t up for getting together, so my son and I did our own thing and then went for supper with friends. In the morning, my son had his skateboard lesson. While he was busy with that, I wandered through a nearby woods and communed with the wildflowers and ducks paddling in the creek. I had my fieldguide to wild edibles with me, enabling me to inch forward in my understanding of wild plants. I also took the time to plan my schedule for the next few months, a process which I always find fun and invigorating, if not at times challenging!
When Sam’s skate class was over we took a walk along the train tracks to admire graffiti. Under a bridge, amidst plenty of great art and innocuous scrawlings were the words boldly painted in red, “Bitches ain’t shit but hoes and tricks.” The feminist in me rose up and I pulled a black marker from the backpack and wrote: “You ignorant jerk, don’t you realize women give birth to everyone?” Had to do it.
In retrospect, this political act (aptly occurring on Mother’s Day) foreshadowed the current wave I’ve been swept up by. I’ve had a long-standing love affair with women’s empowerment, especially in the sexual, birth & parenting arenas, but family and work demands have sometimes meant my activism has been a lot more personal than social. But now the balance is returning!
On Sunday June 5th, SlutWalk Hamilton is happening, a march in support of sexual assault education, sexual de-shaming and reclaiming the word “slut”. Slut Walks are happening in many countries worldwide, sparked by a Toronto police officer’s comment made during a presentation to university students concerning safety on campus. On Jan. 24th, 2011, Constable Micheal Sanguinetti said that women should not dress like “sluts” in order to avoid being sexually assaulted. Now that you’re appalled, come join myself and 500+ others to promote respect, peace and safety for all. Women and allies (men, intersex and children) welcome.
Another local source for fuelling your activist fire is The Button Pushers, located at 183 Ottawa St. N. in Hamilton. Check them out on Facebook or visit in person for lots of great buttons, stickers and magnets, plus great art and vintage clothing.
And stay tuned for my newest baby: PeacePussy.org
Affirm: I contribute to a culture of safety and respect, creating a better world for everyone’s children.
Posted by Lara Stewart-Panko on April 28, 2011
“What will you be when you grow up?” Perhaps one of my most-loathed questions in the world. When I hear it being asked, I cringe and all my defenses come on line. In addition to my personal frustrations with being asked this question more times than I can count, (I once answered this question at age 10, “I’d like to be a paramedic.” The teacher who had asked it laughed at me and said, “No, no. You can’t do that. You have to do something better.”) I think it’s a fundamentally flawed question — a truly stupid one.
When — exactly — does one become “grown up”? Last time I checked personal growth is a never-ending process. I’ve also heard that we’re multi-faceted creatures with a bevy of talents, interests and desires. Being encouraged to limit ourselves to a single role (an economic one, no less!), is nothing short of abusive.
My mother, a retired school teacher of 30 years, is famous for asking the dreaded question. (Big surprise it triggers me so much, eh?) Taking it one step further, she often answers it for people, too! On the weekend we went for Easter dinner and my son was sharing some of his artwork. She kept commenting, surely intending to be supportive, “Maybe you’ll be a cartoonist! Maybe you’ll make animation films!” It drove both myself and my son running for proverbial cover.
And I felt sad. My son’s art is amazing, brilliant, deep and vibrant (and not just because I’m his mom, other artists have affirmed his talent). I would just love it (and I’m sure my son would, too) if my mom would just be with him and his art right now, savouring what is right in front of her rather than attaching unnecessary expectations or projections.
As we debriefed and discussed the experience a few days later, Sam said that his answer to the question, “What will you be when you grow up?” is, “I’ll be a me.”
And I bow down again…
Affirm: I support my child’s free, fluid, self-defined nature. I support my own as well.
Posted by Lara Stewart-Panko on April 13, 2011
As a HypnoBirthing practitioner I’m required to complete an annual recertification which is inclusive of book reviews. One of the titles I’ve chosen this year is Orgasmic Birth: Your Guide to a Safe, Satisfying, and Pleasurable Birth Experience by Elizabeth Davis and Debra Pascali-Bonaro. (As an aside, I’ve seen the film Orgasmic Birth several times and so far the book is way more amazing — so that’s saying a lot! — given its depth, how-to and vast amounts of mothers’ wisdom).
Early on the authors speak to the role of hormones in mothering, not just their role in birth. Respectfully calling the natural shift (or rather, return) to more intuitive, non-linear thinking “Mother Mind” (as opposed to Placenta Head!), Davis & Pascali-Bonaro identify how the hormones that flow in pregnancy assist us in our development as mothers in the non-physical realms, in addition to the physical. By tuning in more to our intuition and how we feel, we can take better care of ourselves. When we are caring for pre-verbal children, intuition can sure come in handy! They beautifully illustrate how valuable the expansive, feminine mind is to the whole of humanity. But beyond the ode to hormones and the miraculous creatures women are, the biggest treat for me were the following words:
“Perhaps the most potent way that body wisdom has been preserved through the ages is through child-friendly mothering or grandmothering, in which we slow down and follow the child’s pace — one that is nonlinear and fantastically creative precisely because the child has no obligation but to be in the moment. As more of us have chosen or been forced to work long hours and care for children in our spare time, we no longer receive our daily lessons from them — reminders on how to be creative, intuitive, and, ultimately, healthier and happier.”
In a culture in which children are often oppressed, undervalued and disrespected and, by virtue of association, mothers are, too, it is so validating to read the above. As a mother I have often reached for and found a sense of value by emphasizing how much my son benefits from my presence and conscious care, and I think that’s real. But it is also no secret that I am incredibly blessed by his presence and way of living life. I have quite possibly learned more from my son and made healthier choices because of him than anyone or anything else in my entire life, and I think that’s true for a lot of mothers. He has definitely been the biggest catalyst of my reconnection to my authentic self and he’s grown me in ways nothing else could. I am so utterly blessed to be his mom, and I trust you’re receiving infinite blessings from your children, too.
Affirm: I honour my child for the healer and teacher he is. I give thanks for the privilege of mothering.
Posted by Lara Stewart-Panko on April 6, 2011
It’s been a lonnnnggg time since I’ve posted (the energy just wasn’t there)…but I’m ready to get back at it!
I’d like to share with you an experience I had with my son last night:
My son, Sam, is an avid artist and goes through art supplies at quite a clip. Our family allots $10/week for new supplies. (We regularly go over budget in subtle ways in order to go with the flow, but Sam doesn’t really pick up on that part, which is great.)
Last night Sam and I took a trip to Michael’s and he knew he had $10 to spend. We were in different parts of the store for a while and then he came and found me and led me to the marker section to show me his finds. I noticed on one of the marker holders that he had written his name. I pointed it out and immediately told him that was not okay (I thought he knew that already!) and as a consequence he would not be receiving his $10 this week. He calmly accepted the consequence and we went next door to PetSmart to buy cat litter. As we walked there, I asked him if he understood why it wasn’t okay that he had written on the marker holder. He said yes, but that he had actually done that several weeks ago when he was testing a marker because there was no testing paper. He went on to show me his hand, explaining that today he came up with the idea of testing the markers on his hand since he realized he shouldn’t have done it on the holder. I was humbled – and proud!
I told him that changed things for me, and that he could have his $10 back. He asked how it changed. I explained that the point of the consequence was to teach him that writing on the holder wasn’t a good choice, but he had figured that out himself since the time he had done it, as evidenced by the writing on his hand. Because he had taught himself, the consequence was pointless. I told him we could go back to Michael’s to buy him some supplies. He smiled and said, “I guess I should have explained everything at the time.” We laughed, dumped the bag of cat litter in the car and headed back to purchase some markers and paint.
My behaviour in this situation was not only healthy for Sam, it was good for me to observe myself. Sometimes when I give Sam consequences for poor choices or misbehaviour, I question myself, my motives and logic. Sometimes I worry that I’m being too hard on him, or that I’m lashing out in anger, punishing as opposed to teaching. What happened last night was a good example for me that, yes, I am giving him appropriate consequences, and I am being reasonable, using consequences as a teaching tool, not to hurt him. It’s so heartwarming to watch my son and myself grow!
Affirm: I teach my child how to make good choices, and I also give her credit when she makes good choices on her own.
Posted by Lara Stewart-Panko on December 7, 2010
Someone threw this gem out there and how could I not pause to ponder it? I’d rather be peaceful than right. What does that mean?
So far I’ve had to redefine what it means to be peaceful so that it has less to do with passivity, meekness and vulnerability and more to do with calm, acceptance and patience. A quote that sums it up: “Peace. It does not mean to be without noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of all these things and still be calm in your heart.” ~ Unknown
I’ve also had to redefine what it means to be right so that I remember that being correct is often an illusion (it’s so damn subjective and transitory), and even if I am correct factually, that may well have less value than being correct in terms of awareness or meaning.
An example: Recently I was playing catch with a friend’s son and he referred to the ball we were using as orange. Most people would have identified the ball as yellow, which I did. While part of me was tempted to blatantly say, “That’s not orange, that’s yellow.” I let it go and focused on the larger point of playing catch, which is fun and connection. I chose to to be kind and peaceful as opposed to argumentative and right. That being said, the next time I caught the ball I casually commented, “I really like this yellow ball. I like those yellow flowers, too.” , gesturing to some calendula blossoms that were hanging in there despite the cold temperatures. I was still able to inform and educate the little guy (because it can be handy to know colours in a way that communication is clear for everyone) but I was able to do it from a place of peace, not power-over, not look-at-how-smart-I-am-as-the-big-adult kind of shaming/arguing.
Of course, this tiny example can be extrapolated into much bigger contexts, like differing choices or opinions between adults. Slowly but surely I’m learning that it is often a misuse of time to try and convince someone to agree with you. In BEING peaceful when interacting with others, those that are also open to peace naturally open up to our way of being, and all the details become inconsequential. While I cannot say that I love being wrong (my ego LOVES being right), what I love even more than either of those options is being accepting and forgiving of the unconsciousness in myself and others. We all have it, and we all have the potential to transform it. Peace out.
Affirm: I allow peace to be my main motivator, my main objective, my predominant way of being.
Posted by Lara Stewart-Panko on November 30, 2010
…is where Peace resides. Sages from all over the globe, from various cultures and times, have all encouraged us to be in the Present Moment in order to be free, enlightened and peaceful. Not rehashing the past, not obsessing over the future, but grounded in what IS. Lightly put:
“Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. But Today is a gift. That is why it’s called the Present.” ~ Unknown
So…
If you’re pregnant: Be still, close your eyes and breathe with your baby, feeling how alive you are!
If you’re birthing: Open to the sensations of your body, close your eyes and breathe with your baby, feeling how miraculous you are!
If you’re nursing: Gaze at your baby and breathe in the love that surrounds you both, feeling how beautiful you are!
If you’re mothering: Stop any activity and take a good look around you. Breathe deeply, drinking in the blessings of this moment, feeling how wonderful life is, how amazing you are!
Affirm: I find peace in the present moment. I am right here, right now.
Posted by Lara Stewart-Panko on November 20, 2010
Okay ladies, I’ve got a challenge for you:
Your assignment is to look for evidence that Life loves you and supports you. As you might imagine, this approach is especially powerful in areas of your life where you often feel anxious, isolated or insecure.
I’m going to really take a risk here (fear of judgment!) and share that I’ve had on-going financial anxiety for years. Sometimes I feel great about my finances, other times I can get quite afraid. When I’m not in it, I can recognize that ALL of my money fears are illusory, but then a few months later my ego runs another number on me and I’m back to worrying…
Anyhoo, in a recent bout of anxious money-related thoughts I decided to look for evidence that the Universe continuously provides for me and my family financially. The evidence of this was overwhelming! I started by really acknowledging that I was standing under wonderful warm water in my very own bathroom in my very own home. Then I had comfortable clothes to wear and toiletries to care for my body. Then I got to prepare a nutritious meal in my cozy kitchen and also had good-quality food to give my kitties. I have amazing clients who bless me financially (and with their sheer beauty, intelligence and presence, I might add!). And on it went…
So now its your turn. Look for the evidence that you’re well cared-for and keep building the faith that the Universe always has your back, because that’s the truth.
Affirm: Because I will always find what I’m looking for, I choose to look for things that make me feel great!
Posted by Lara Stewart-Panko on November 9, 2010
With so many choices and opportunities available to us, it is so tempting to go, go, go and do, do, do…and then we crash, or explode, or some other such expression of too much stress. I recently have had to pay attention to this tendency in myself, ridiculously waiting for a cold to really take me out before I took an honest look at how much I was cramming into a day, for many days in a row.
So how about you? Are there some things to erase from your to-do list? What is on there that truly needs to get done? What thing do you genuinely want to do? Are some things on your list because of an inappropriate sense of obligation or misdirected effort to feel okay about yourself (i.e. excessive volunteering, doing things for others they can easily do for themselves)?
Educators, authors and therapists Harville Hendrix & Helen Hunt assert that if we are taught as children that self-care is bad we develop a fear of being needy and this often translates into taking on the role of the caretaker, self-sacrifice and continual intrusion into others’ lives. Ding, ding, ding! Resonates for me…
How about you join me in claiming more balance between caring for yourself and helping others, completing tasks and resting on the couch, doing and being?
Affirm: I am clear about what is mine to do. I take time to simply relax and enjoy life.
Posted by Lara Stewart-Panko on October 30, 2010
I recently read a quote: “We all grow in the image of those we love.“ And while the obvious association may be that children model themselves after their parents, siblings and other loved ones, my selfish mind automatically posed the question to me: “Who do you love?” My first two responses were my son, 8 years, and a little girl I care for, Rose, aged 17 months. Now I was getting somewhere!
So often we think in terms of hierarchies that place children below adults. Adults are the teachers, the ones worth listening to, the ones who are better. In truth, I think things can rightly go in both directions. The purity, innocence and love children embody can do much to teach those of us who are older and layered with years of socialization and cultural brainwashing. Moreso, each of us is wonderfully unique, and each child comes bearing gifts that are hers alone to share, and her youth makes her sharig that much more instant, free and unconditional. As the adult who is privileged to be sharing life with a child, and thereby knowing them intimately, we are being called to learn and benefit from the gifts the child is offering.
Back to Sam and Rose, two of my loved ones, and how I can grow in their image. I am continuously expanding my enjoyment of life, my enthusiasm and ability to be in the present moment. I am inspired by their creativity, genius and persistence. I smile a lot, and play with the cats and skip down the street now and then. I learn to be more adaptable and courageous and uninhibited. I feel glad just to be alive.
How do your kids show you how to grow?
Affirm: I joyously grow and develop, inspired by the beauty of my child.
Being the Peaceful, Empowered Change